


The Morning After The Sight Before

by Phoenix_Emrys



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-06
Updated: 2015-04-06
Packaged: 2018-03-21 14:54:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3696500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phoenix_Emrys/pseuds/Phoenix_Emrys
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two friends who had designs on a certain pair of men make a shocking discovery said men are more than friends. Disappointment ensues, and much commiseration.  Alcohol is definitely involved.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“Well.” 

“So.” 

“I don’t know about you, I sure never saw _that_ coming.” 

“Hey, you and me both, girlfriend!” 

“The Colonel...” 

“And Daniel.” 

“Daniel…” 

“And the Colonel.” 

“Whoa…” 

“Uh hun.” 

“You don’t suppose, we didn’t really see what we thought we saw?Maybe we’ve got it wrong, there was another explanation for…why the Colonel was…doing… _that_...to Daniel, like, perhaps they were, he was…” 

“Flossing Daniel’s teeth with his tongue?Honeychile, I’m a doctor, not a dentist, but I’m reasonably certain what they were engaged in was not the correct procedure for removing food particles from between the teeth.Besides, I didn’t see any…floss.Did you?” 

“Nope.Lots of tongue, though.” 

“Lots and lots.” 

“Holy Hannah.” 

“Sorry to burst your bubble, Sam, but there’s no way to explain away what we just saw.It was exactly what it looked like.” 

“And it looked like…” 

“Let’s face it, if they’re not already doing it, they soon will be.” 

“What we saw…” 

“Whoa…” 

“I wonder how long they’ve been…” 

“Flossing?” 

“Geez, Janet!You made me spill my beer!Flossing!God, that’s funny.” 

“You weren’t laughing three beers ago.” 

“Yes, well, alcohol, the great – great…” 

“Inebriator?” 

“Yeah, that.Is that even a word?” 

“I have no idea.Daniel would know.Hey, maybe we should ask him.” 

“I dunno, he’s probably still busy – “ 

“Don’t you _dare_ say it!” 

“Hey, you started it.And stop giggling.” 

" Who, me?” 

“I’m not kidding, there’s nothing funny about this – that – them.What we saw.” 

“I beg to differ, it’s incredibly funny. In a tragically twisted kind of way, as it would seem the joke is on us.” 

“Actually, trying not to think about it, which was, I thought, the whole point of this exercise.” 

“You mean the slinking back to your place with all the beer we could carry and drowning our sorrows…thing?Oh and speaking of beer, drink up.You’re falling behind.” 

“Don’t you worry, squirt, I can keep up with you, the day a medical midget can drink me under the table – “ 

“Daniel and the Colonel.My god, I still can’t believe it.” 

“How do you think I feel?All those years thinking he… and… and…God, I’m such an _idiot_!” 

“Well, move over, you’re not the only one.” 

“Yeah, I know you were hoping you and Daniel…” 

“Don’t remind me.I’m drinking to forget.” 

“That son of a bitch, I wonder if he ever… even a little bit.Or has he been leading me on all this time, using me to – to – “ 

“Sam, honey, don’t go there.It’s not worth it.We’ll never know if either one of them… that is, either one of us ever had a chance...with either one of them.Um, that didn’t come out quite right, but you know what I mean.I blame the beer.But anyway, what I was trying to say, whatever might or might not have been, it’s kind of a moot point now. I think it’s pretty safe to say, the ship has sailed.” 

“Shut up and pass me another beer.” 

“Here.” 

“Thanks.” 

“You okay?” 

“No.But I will be.” 

“That’s my girl. I know what we saw, but I still can’t get my head around it.Daniel and the colonel.Who would have thought?Okay, I’ll admit seeing them…kissing, it was kind of a shock and yet, it was also kinda…well…you know!” 

“You thought so too?” 

“Oh yeah!I mean, there’s hot and there’s hot, and then those two – phew!” 

“They do look really good together, don’t they?” 

“Yeah, they do, damn them.What a waste.” 

“You know what’s really funny?” 

“Besides you and me, you mean?” 

“If I had to lose the Colonel, not that I ever really had him, I guess, but if I had to lose out to anyone, I’m kinda glad it was Daniel.” 

“You have to admit, if couldn’t be you, well, who else would it have been?Daniel has always been the only one who could ever handle the colonel.Hey, I wonder if he’s handling him now.” 

“Janet!I can’t believe you just _said_ that!” 

“Come on, Sam, aren’t you just a little bit, curious?I mean, seeing them kissing was hot enough, but what about…” 

“No, no, no, we’re not even going there…” 

“I’ve seem them both naked.” 

“Hey, me too.I’ve never told anyone this, but there was that time on P3Z 845 when they were both, down by the lake we were camped by, and I – I hadn’t been able to raise the colonel on his com and I went down to find him…them… to let him know the general had called us back to the base and there they both were.Not a stitch on ‘em.” 

“Get out!” 

“Nope, swear to god, naked as the day they were born.” 

“Sam you’re kidding!I can’t believe you never told me.So, there they both were, together in the altogether in mid-mission.And you didn’t find this a bit…odd?” 

“They gave me some story about having fallen in one of the bogs bordering the lake – “ 

“What, _both_ of them?” 

“Yeah, I know it sounds lame now, but I swear, it made sense at the time.Anyway, they said because they’d been…bogged down, they needed to wash off so that’s why they were….” 

“Naked?” 

“Yeah.That’s what they said, but now that I think about it, neither one of them were wet.Can’t think why I missed it at the time.” 

“Oh me either.I can’t imagine how two incredibly gorgeous, hot, naked men on display in the great out of doors might have interfered with your observational or deductive reasoning skills.” 

“Will you _shut up_!Drink your beer, wench, and quit rubbing my nose in it.It’s bad enough I’m having to deal with knowing I’ll probably never get to see that particular…display, again, ever, never mind _I’ll_ never get the chance to get naked with the colonel because he’s getting naked…with Daniel.” 

“I’m sorry, honey.I know how much you were, how sure you were…” 

“Yeah, me too.Sure, I’m pretty disappointed and I’m as hurt as hell, anesthetic alcoholic effects aside, but you know what, I think I’m gonna live.” 

“You bet you are.That’s the spirit.And you know what, it’s the colonel’s loss.Bastard.He doesn’t deserve you!” 

“Same goes for Daniel and you.He doesn’t know what he’s missing.Here’s to you, hon.” 

“And you.And here’s to us.” 

“Us.You and me.Too good for them.Bastards.” 

“Yeah, they are, aren’t they?Pricks.With pricks.” 

“Pretty nice pricks, though, if memory serves.” 

“Oh yeah they are, and it does.” 

“Stop it!Ooops, spilled my beer again.Oh God, this is bizarre, I should be bawling my eyes out and I haven’t laughed this much since… the last time I laughed this much.” 

“Laughing is good.Sure beats the hell out of the alternative.” 

“Oh God, I’ve got to stop or I’m gonna hurt myself. No, no it’s okay, I’ve got it. I’m good.So, those two.Them.The pricks with their pricks.” 

“Who needs them, right?” 

“Not us, that’s for damned sure.We’ve got our pride.” 

“And the beer.Don’t forget the beer.” 

“Hell no, thank God for the beer.And not to worry, if we run out, I’ve got a back up plan.Wait a minute, I’ve got a bottle, let me get it.There we go, there it is.Ah…nuts.” 

“What is it, what have you got?JackDaniels?You’re kidding, right?” 

“I think the universe hates us.” 

“JackDaniels.Jack…Daniel.Jack with Daniel.Daniel with Jack.Okay, admittedly, at first the idea was pretty…well, you know but the more I think about it….” 

“Huh?” 

“Come on, Sam, work with me here.You saw them, right? That kiss, it was pretty…hot.” 

“Yeah.Come to think of it.It was…kinda…okay, extremely.So?”

“Sooooo, we’ve seen them both naked and we’re in agreement they’re hot. We’ve seen them sucking face, and again, hot, hot stuff.Now, imagine what how hot they’d be kissing, naked and…together.” 

“As in… _together_ together.” 

“Naked.” 

“No…” 

“Come on, you know you want to.” 

“No, no, there’s no way.That’s just the beer talking, we can’t, we couldn’t…” 

“Come on, Sam, live a little.It would sure beat sitting here feeling sorry for ourselves.” 

“No.” 

“Think of it as payback.After all the years those two strung us along, shouldn’t we get something out of it? And a little of our own back?” 

“They owe us.” 

“Now you’re talking!” 

“No, it’s crazy. We shouldn’t.We can’t.Can we?” 

“Where’s your camera?” 

“No wait, even better.Camcorder.” 

“Oooh, I like the way you think.Now all I need to do is find my keys.You’re too drunk to drive.” 

“Oh, and you’re any sober-er?Yeah, right.” 

“Shut up and get the camcorder.I’ll call a cab.Where the hell is the phone?Even more important, where are my shoes?” 

“Got it.I can’t believe we’re doing this.” 

“Believe it, because we are.You gonna go out dressed like that?” 

“What’s wrong with – omigawd, how the hell did I – what is _that_ , and how the heck did I get it all over my sweater?” 

“I’m not sure, I think it’s – and it probably happened when we - you know, had to duck down, so they wouldn’t see us.” 

“Oh yeah, I’d almost forgotten.That’s never gonna come out, is it?” 

“Don’t worry about it, we’ll take care of it later, I have some…stuff. It’ll get it right out.Go, shoo, get changed, the cab is on its way.” 

“How’s this?” 

“You look sensational.And hey, I found my shoes. Got everything, we good to go?” 

“Yeahsure you betcha.” 

“God, you’re bad.One for the road?” 

“Why the hell not.Here’s to – to?” 

“Here’s to them, and us, and everybody getting exactly what’s coming to them.What?” 

“You said coming.” 

“Honestly, stop being such an infant, you’re worse than the colonel.Come on girl, let’s make tracks, the floorshow awaits.” 

“We wouldn’t want them to start without us.” 


	2. Four's a Crowd

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Janet embark on their covert mission with unanticipated results.
> 
> BOLD: denotes simultaneous speakers.
> 
> Italics: denotes whispers.

“We should go.”

“Come on Sam, don’t chicken out on me now.”

“But Daniel’s Jeep isn’t here.”

“The colonel’s truck is. Trust me, Daniel is here.”

“I don’t know, Janet, I’m thinking this is a bad idea.”

“Then stop thinking, and – ewwww! What the hell is that?”

“I didn’t know the colonel had a dog.”

“Well if he doesn’t, somebody does. Gah, I just bought these shoes!”

“Wait, a minute, wait a minute what are you doing? Janet, quit leaning, you’re gonna knock me over!”

“Shut up and hold me up, I gotta…uh…there, got it. See.”

“Ewww! Don’t wave that thing under my nose, it’s disgusting.”

“Brand new two hundred dollar shoes and they’ve got dog crap all over them. Well, this is just great!”

“So, scrape it off or something – don’t - don't...wave it around. The smell is making me sick.”

“Screw it.”

“What did you do that for?”

“Why not, one's ruined anyway and the other's no good without it. No point in gimping around on one shoe.”

“Can we just...focus? If we’re gonna do this, then lets…and get it over with before…”

“What’s the matter, scared?”

“Well, yeah! In case you’ve forgotten we’re skulking around in the colonel’s yard, a colonel who happens to be a superior officer to _both_ of us and _my immediate boss_ and team leader, with a video camera and the intention of engaging in some highly illegal surveillance. What’s not to be _scared_ about?”

“Could we be charged for illegally surveilling some extremely illegal activities?”

“I don’t know, and I sure don’t want to find out!”

“Okay, okay, keep your shirt on cookie, we’ll get in, get it done, get out, they’ll never know we were here. Lead on, and watch out for the - ”

“Shit. Yeah, I got it. Stop giggling!”

“I can’t help it, the grass is tickling my feet. Feels all…squishy between my toes.”

“Walk on your hands, then just… _shut up!_ ”

“Anyone ever tell you you’re a mean drunk?”

“I am _not_ drunk. At least not _nearly_ enough for this!”

“OW! Why did you stop – “

“ _Quiet!_ We’re right under the colonel’s bedroom window!”

“Oooh! Are they in there? What are they doing?”

“The curtains are open but I can’t see - _stop pushing!_ ”

“Get out of the way, I wanna see!”

“You can’t. We didn’t bring a stepladder.”

“Mean, just mean. Give me a boost, then.”

“This is such a bad idea. And stop pushing you’re gonna make me – awww, dammit, I dropped the camera.”

“Ladies?”

**“Colonel!”**

“What are you doing here?”

“Well, Major, I live here, but don’t you think I should be the one asking the questions?”

“He’s got a point, Sam. What was the question again?”

“What are you two charming, and it would seem slightly inebriated ladies doing in my yard at…oh, would you look at the time, oh-two-thirty hours?”

“You wanna take it?”

“No, you, he’s your boss.”

“It was your idea.”

“Oh, I see, you’re gonna throw _that_ in my face now.”

“Would _somebody_ please elucidate?”

“Would you believe we took a wrong turn at Albuquerque?”

“No. Try again.”

“How about zigged when we should have zagged?”

“Jack? What’s goin’ on?”

“Oh look, the other one! See, I _told_ you he was here!”

“Hey Daniel, look, we’ve got company.”

“Sam? Janet? What are you doing here?”

“We’ve done this one already, Dannyboy. So far not making much headway in the explanations department, though.”

“Wow, no wonder! I’m gonna move upwind before I get a contact drunk from the fumes!”

“They’ve both got their clothes on.”

“I noticed. Damn.”

“What?”

“Ladies? Daniel? Let’s take this inside, shall we?”

“Inside…”

“Sam, cut it out!”

“He said…inside…”

“Carter, are you cracked?”

“I have no idea what’s going on here, Jack, I’ve never seen either one of them like this. And, drunk or sober, what the hell are they doing here?”

“You got me, Daniel, oh for crying out loud, there goes the other one, have I got something on my face, or something?”

“Search me.”

“Well, we’d better get them inside before they wake up the neighbours or have a stroke on the lawn.”

“The death of a thousand laughs?”

“Something like that. I’ve got ‘Giggles', here, how about you escort the chortling physician.”

“Right behind you, Jack.”

“There they go again. Maybe we’d better just…stop talking. Until we get into the house.”

“Okay, here we are, why don’t you both sit down and we’ll get to the bottom of this.”

**“Bottom! Omigawd!”**

“Was it something I said?”

“Apparently.”

“Janet? Where are you going?”

“I need a beer.”

“Oooh! What a great idea, get me one too!”

“You got it, honeychile.”

“Wait a minute, don’t you think you’ve had enough – Daniel?”

“I’ve got it. Ah Janet, wait up. Um…not meaning to be nosey or anything, but where are your shoes?”

“You don’t want to know.”

“You’re probably right.”

“Well, that’s one problem dealt with, and now for the other one.”

“I wouldn’t mess with her if I were him. She’s short but she’s _mean_. Trust me!”

“Carter – “

“You never call me Sam. How come you never call me Sam?”

“What? Well, I – I – you’re _Carter_ , I mean, that’s your name.”

“My name is Sam.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know, but…well, in my head, you’re Carter.”

“I am, aren’t I? As far as you're concerned. And I always have been.”

“Yeah…”

“I guess that should have told me something right there, I just wasn’t listening.”

“Carter, what is this all about? What the - was that Daniel? Yelping?”

“I told you she was mean.”

“Janet?”

“Here you go, honey, drink up.”

“Thanks, sweetie.”

“Ah. You got the beer. The beer Daniel was supposed to stop you from getting. Speaking of Daniel, where is he?”

“Indisposed. It was strictly self defense.”

_“Daniel!”_

“Ah, sit down, Colonel, and relax. I didn’t do any _permanent_ damage.”

“OW!”

“Daniel?”

“See, told ya. He’ll live.”

  _< Janet!  What did you do to Daniel?>_

_< He tried to come between me and our beer, what do you think I did to him?> _

_< You didn’t!> _

_< Did.  He had it coming.  I warned him.  Men, they never listen.>_

“Holy crap, what did she do to you?”

“I don’t want to say. I'm doubled over in agony and singing soprano. Use your imagination.”

“From the way you’re walking, I don’t have to! You gonna be okay?”

“Yeah. Eventually. But I don’t think I’ll ever play the piano again.”

“I’m a doctor, you’ll be fine.”

“Oookay. Well, just to bring you both up to speed, while you were gone Carter and I were discussing forms of address.”

“He never calls me Sam.”

“Why did you start without me?”

“I dunno, it seemed like a good idea at the time.”

“Daniel, where are you going? You just got back.”

“I know, but I need a beer. And so do you.”

“Clarify one point for me before you go. Did we or did we not walk through my front door to get to where we are. I know it looks like we're standing in my living room but for some strange reason it feels like on the way from where we were to where we are we took a sharp right turn into the Twilight Zone.”

“Why are you asking me? All I signed up for when I arrived here tonight was spending a quiet evening with…my best friend. My nuts and I definitely had no expectations of Thelma and Louise here showing up.”

“Go get beer.”

“Going.”

“So, Thelma, getting back to my original question…”

“I’m Thelma, she’s Louise.”

“I dunno, I always thought I was more like Geena Davis.”

“You’re too short to be Geena Davis.”

“I wanna be Geena Davis!”

“Okay, God! Don’t be such a baby!”

“Daniel! Where’s that beer?”

“Here you go. Make it last. You’re out.”

“Oooh, beer run! Come on, Daniel, you’re driving.”

“No, he can’t go, he doesn’t have his Jeep here, remember!”

“He can use the colonel’s truck, I’m sure he lets him drive it, after all, they’re – “

“Shut up! Don’t say anything more. We don’t want them to know we know, because then they’ll know!”

“Wha-wha-what?”

“Nobody’s going _anywhere_ until I find out what the _hell_ is going on here!”

“Jack, they’re both so potted we could use them for planters. I don’t think they even know why they’re here, never mind being able to explain themselves. We’re certainly not going to be able to find out anything…coherent…until they’ve both slept it off. Maybe I should just…drop them off…on my way…home. So they can do that. That is if you don’t mind lending me your truck…”

**“No!”**

“No, Daniel, don’t go. You don’t have to leave just because we’re…

“We’ll call a cab, we don’t need you to – we can just…we can just go.”

“I don’t know if we should turn them loose on an unsuspecting city in this condition. But you’re right, Daniel, neither one of them is making a lot of sense right now, maybe we should let them sleep it off here. That way they’ll be safe and…”

“Contained?”

“Yeah. That too.”

“Oh my God...”

“What is it, Janet, what’s wrong.”

“Jack, she doesn’t look too good.”

“Well, that settles it, neither one of them are going anywhere.”

“I feel sick…”

“Except – “

“I got it, I’ll take her.”

“Oh God, I’m gonna throw up.”

“Hurry!”

“That’s just great. How you doing, Carter, you gotta honk too?”

“Nope. I’m good.”

“So…”

“So.”

“Too bad…”

“What?”

“No, it’s nothing, never mind.”

“What are you doing here, Carter? I don’t care what Daniel thinks, you're a bit...potted, but you're not blotto.”

“It’s just…you know I used to…well, I used to have…feelings...for you.”

“Carter, I don’t think this is a good time to have this particular conversation, or if there is any good time, for that matter, in fact, I’d really rather not – “

“You wanted to know why I was here.”

“Yeah…”

“For a long time now, I thought, well, I thought – “

“I never said I loved you, Carter. Never.”

“No Sir, you didn’t. 'Care for her more than I'm supposed to'.”

“Means exactly that. Nothing more.”

“I know that…now. But at the time…”

“You heard what you wanted to hear.”

“Yeah, I guess I did. But that’s not what I wanted to tell you.”

“Oh?”

“I’ve had occasion, recently, to do some serious thinking, about…us.”

“There is no ‘us’ Carter. There never was, and never could have been.”

“Because you don’t – never did…feel that way, about me.”

“And…”

“I don’t feel that way about you, either. I thought I did, but I don’t. Not really.”

“Because…”

“Because...if I had – loved you, that is, really loved _you_ and not the idea of _being_ in love with you, I’d have done something about it. I’d have transferred off the SG-1, resigned my commission, something, anything, so we could be together. If you love someone, I mean, _really_ love someone, you don’t let _anything_ stand in the way.”

“No. You don’t.”

“I get that now.”

“That’s…that’s good. Glad to hear it. So…that’s it? We’re good?”

“Yeah, Sir. We’re good.”

“You’re sure? There’s nothing else you want to tell me?”

“Positive, Sir.”

“As much as I appreciate clearing the air, couldn’t this have waited ‘til morning? And I’m not quite clear why you needed to bring Janet along – “

“Come on, blue eyes, We’re missing all the fun.”

“Blue eyes?”

“Don’t ask. I have no idea.”

“So, how is the patient? And what’s with the sweats?”

“I’m fine.”

“No you’re not. Had to borrow them, my jeans, and my shoes, kinda…”

“Ewwww?”

“Yeah, she yakked all over them.”

“But I’m feeling _much_ better now. I’m a doctor, I should know.”

“Well, I’m not, but I can make an educated guess your medical judgment is severely impaired, as are you, and you are therefore not currently qualified to make any sort of diagnosis, especially about yourself.”

"Let me get this straight, you - all over Daniel, and he had to - so now he's..."

"You know what this means, don't you, Sam?"

**"Daniel's in the colonel's pants!**

 

“All right, okay, this is getting entirely too surreal for me. You ladies are welcome to be my guests for tonight – or what’s left of it. By all means, if you don’t mind sharing, the guest room is all yours. Stay, sleep it off, we’ll sort it all out in the morning.”

“We don’t mind. Daniel, you’re staying over too, right?”

“Um…well, it is kinda late to be…”

“Yeah, yeah, he’s staying, we're all staying. Ladies, spare bedroom is this way, Daniel you know where the couch is. Let’s all get some sleep, for God’s sake.”

 

...........................................................................................................................................

 

“Can you hear anything?”

“Shhhh, keep quiet. We want them to think we’ve passed out.”

“We’re wasting our time, Daniel is gonna stay on the couch, there’s no way they’re gonna take a chance on sleeping together in the colonel’s bed while we’re in the house.”

“I tell you, just be patient, give it a little longer.”

“I’m getting sleepy, I can’t stay awake – OW!”

“Keep your eyes open or I’ll pinch you again!”

“You do that again and I’ll punch you!”

“Shhhhh! I think I can hear…..yeah, there he goes, that’s a good boy Daniel.”

“Oh no way, he’s actually doing it. Sneaking down the hall to the colonel’s room. Omigawd!”

“Okay, so, the plan is back on, oh damn – the camcorder is still outside! We’ll never find it out there in the dark, in time, especially if they start getting busy right away. And we don’t want to be stumbling around in the dark right under their window again.”

“Not to worry, we’ll find it, and we won’t be in the dark.”

“Sam! Flashlight! You’re a genius, I could _kiss_ you!”

“Well, if you do, make sure no one's watching."

FINIS


End file.
